Razor's Edge
by kat69d
Summary: With each swipe, I feel calmer, lighter...Like nothing could hurt me...But there are things that can hurt me, break me even...With my promise broken, I let myself be free...(self-harm, angst, some sex)...


**Note: I don't own any characters but my own...it's a tad dark so you've been warned...**

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I stared down at the unmarred flesh before running my fingertip across the area. The light feeling caused me to shiver and goose bumps to appear on the skin. Using my right hand I pulled the skin taunt and I pressed the tip of the razor into the skin. It was just enough pressure to break the skin and a small pool of blood to form. The pool grew before dripping down my thigh. A touch more pressure to the razor and then I started to drag it slowly through the skin. I could feel the layers of skin part in the wake of the blade but it was the euphoria and elation that I was mostly paying attention to.

My school tie was in the way so I loosened it and pulled it off without removing the blade from my thigh. Once it was with my sweater beside me, I focused back on my split skin. I turned the blade and sliced back up, the burn causing me to close my eyes and moan. I repeated the cut right beside the original before putting down the razor and watched the blood pool and drip.

"Willa, are you coming for dinner?"

_Shit. They can't see or I'll be sent to our Head of House,_ I thought.

"Coming. I just need to switch my skirt. I got something on it."

My roommate left me and I watched the cuts for another second before reaching over for my wand. A quick spell and my skin was clear of the blood but the cuts were open. It was a nifty spell I had located my 3rd year and when I had the urge to do this, it was a spell that would be used a lot so that I could feel the wounds and the pain but it wouldn't bleed.

I changed my skirt and warded my curtains closed. If any of my roommates found out about my tendencies, they would use it as blackmail and no proper Slytherin just presented something useful to others. We had to be sneaky by nature but I was more sneaky and careful when it came about this. No one knew about what I did except for one.

At dinner, my eyes roamed the large room and I had caught the glance of the one who knew. I stared into the blue-green eyes as I lifted a fork of shepherd's pie to my open mouth. My lips closed around the forkful not a moment too soon for Theo Nott nearly collapsed into my lap, his elbow hitting my thigh. I bit back the loud moan I wanted to release before turning my attention to the brunette beside me.

"Don't you have something to say, Nott?"

"What for? Anyone would love to have me in their laps," he smirked.

"Shouldn't it be a girl in your lap unless you like being on top and having something thrust up into you?"

His brown eyes darkened in rage but I knew he wouldn't do anything in public. The comment might earn a slap or two when we arrive back at the common room but he wouldn't allow anyone else to see. No one outside of Slytherin knew the real Theodore Nott, they only saw the intelligent, mild mannered man. In reality, his temper was one of the worst and every girl older than 3rd year knew not to turn him down if he was in the mood. Except for me.

"Spoken to your father lately, Peters? I received a letter from mine this morning, informing me of our wedding at the end of the year. Mother has planned it for the day after Graduation."

"That's next week!" I nearly screamed.

"Yes, it is and I will love to see you finally willing on our wedding night."

"Is this all because I won't sleep with you?" I hissed as I bent my fork in half with force.

"Why else? Did you think you would marry for love? We will be married, you will provide me with an heir, and be the perfect Nott wife. I will see to that any way needed."

"Until then, I guess I can tell you to FUCK OFF."

The Great Hall had stopped to watch our conversation and some were shocked at my final words. I went to leave but Theo grabbed my wrist and pulled me close to his face.

"Enjoy your freedom because once you're mine, you'll learn not to do anything but what I tell you."

He grabbed my head and forced his lips on mine. They were thin and dry and I hated the feeling of them against mine. I slammed the bent fork into the muscular thigh of my detested fiancé and when he released me to grab it, I used the opportunity to run from the Great Hall. My feet carried me up the numerous flights of stairs, down the hallways, and around corners until I reached my destination.

Most of the students knew about the Room of Requirement so I found a small unused classroom that I had claimed as my own. The door had been warded to allow only myself and my confidant in. I collapsed on the couch and pushed up my skirt. I removed the spell and jabbed my finger into the cuts. A hiss filled the silent room as the blood began pooling.

The pain was ebbing away quicker than normal so I reached over to the drawer beside the couch and pulled out another razor. Rather than taking my time and making these deep, I slashed the sharp blade thrice across my other thigh. I bit my lip at the pain and welcomed the rush of calm that flooded my senses. Leaning back against the couch, I revelled in the calm for a few moments.

"Why are you doing it again, Willa?"

"It was creaking up on me again. I woke up this morning in a panic and I knew what would keep it at bay. But I didn't do it. I tried snapping my bracelet against my wrist but it wasn't working. Before dinner, I thought I heard something in the common room and it sent me into another panic attack. I had the razor to my thigh before I really knew what was going on. Then dinner happened."

"What did he say to you that caused you to stab him with a fork and run up here to do that again?" he asked, as he took the seat next to me.

My fingers dug into the bleeding cuts, needing the pain to tell him. He already knew that I could only sleep with wards on my bed curtains, for fear that Theo would attack me in the night. He already knew of the several times that Theo had attacked me during the day but not to do anything but describe what he would do to me when given the chance.

"I hadn't even realized that he was sitting beside me. It had calmed me so much that my paranoia towards the guy was gone."

"I would have helped you again."

"It's not the same kind of pain. This way I can control the pressure; I control the amount of skin that is cut; I control my release. When you use the flogger, the release is there but not anywhere near the release of when I use the razor."

"I'm worried when you use it."

"I know you do. There are times that I worry myself but I need it. If I don't, I will snap and anyone in range of my wand will feel it."

I slapped my hand against my thighs and smiled at my friend. He pulled my hand away and held them in his large ones. His eyes were caring but held a tint of fear for me. He had found out several months ago when I was in another funk and hadn't had enough time to cover up the cuts before he saw. He became my closest friend and didn't judge me that I had these tendencies. In fact it was his idea about the flogger.

"What did you hear?"

"I thought I heard Shay's roommate say something about Theo. She's a 3rd year for fuck's sake. He's never gone after someone younger than 14."

"She's your sister though."

His words hit me to the core. Theo was only going after her because of me. Before he could do anything, the razor glinted in the light as it sliced through my skin again. He ripped the razor from my hand and threw it across the room.

"Stop this, Willa. One day you'll go too far."

"I can't. It started off by accident but then the calm was almost like a drug in itself. I want to feel that more and more. I need it."

I leaned against his shoulder and welcomed the calm. I didn't care that the blood was dripping onto the couch or that some had splattered onto his pants. As part of our routine whenever this happened, he gave me a few moments before moving me. My head rolled against the back of the couch and he knelt in between my legs. He transfigured a bowl of water and a cloth to clean the wounds.

"Mmmm," I moaned as his fingers brushed the cuts before swiping the cloth over them.

As always he was very attentive in making sure they were clean and wouldn't get infected. Only once had that happened and I was lucky to be able to brew the simple potion to clear it up. He applied my spell and banished the bloody water.

"Your fingers are heaven."

"I was only cleaning them, Willa."

"But imagine the other ways your fingers can be heavenly."

"No, I can't."

"Why not? Is it because I'm damaged? Because I need the pain to unwind and not snap? Why?"

"I hate seeing you like this," he replied but it seemed like there was something else he wanted to say as well.

"Sliced up or feeling normal, happy even?"

"These cuts shouldn't be here and I wouldn't be able to focus knowing I would be hitting them. What I want you to feel should be coming from me and not those."

We had briefly discussed using other methods to work out my tension but aside from the flogger we hadn't put any other thoughts into play. I waved my wand and the cuts healed. This was the first time that I had healed them afterwards but I wanted him more at the moment. As soon as they were gone, his hands were sliding up my thighs and under my skirt. He tickled my inner thighs, right near the patch of silk covering my entrance.

"Please," I moaned.

His hands grabbed my hips and pulled me to the side so I was lying on the couch. My hands went to my shirt and started to undo the buttons as he knelt between my open legs. He unzipped the skirt and worked it down over my hips, lifting my legs to pull it off. His eyes were darkening with desire and as soon as I had my shirt off, I attacked his. The body hidden was perfect, toned and muscular but not too muscular. This wasn't the same 11year old boy I remember from the train.

"Willa, you're beautiful," he moaned as my hands caressed the skin right above his waistband.

"You're perfect. Why couldn't I be marrying you?"

He lowered himself onto his forearms and kissed me deeply. His lips were fuller than Theo's and they were ones that I wanted to kiss forever. My hands worked on his belt and the zipper so I could push my hand inside. Feeling him through his underwear was bliss as was the moan he let out against my lips. My hand was full as it rubbed against his confined erection.

Our lips broke apart so we could take in air and I used that opportunity to give him a light squeeze.

"Take them off."

As he stood to remove his pants and underwear, I shimmied out of my silk thong and unclasped my bra. I dropped them to the floor near the couch and picked up my wand. I tapped the tip to the couch and felt it shift into a mattress under me. Knowing his eyes were on me, I trailed the wand up my legs and over my stomach. My right hand trailed behind it but stayed at the junction between my legs. Our eyes connected for a moment before his gaze lowered to what my hand was doing. I watched as his erection twitched and hardened even more.

"I need you."

"You can have me."

The man I desperately wanted as my own joined me on the bed and replaced my hand with his. It started off a bit clumsily but then the long digits were moving in such a way, I had to control myself from arching off the bed. I had dropped my wand and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. I wanted him as close to my body as I could get him.

"Now. I need to feel you inside me now."

I felt the tip nudging against my entrance so I wrapped my legs around his waist and pushed down. The moment he slid in was bliss. He let out a breath of air that he must have been holding against my cheek as he pushed in further.

"Ah, Willa."

I silenced him with a deep kiss, our tongues battling for dominance. He moved slowly, making the feeling last but I didn't want it slow and sweet.

"Harder, faster, please," I moaned as his fingers brushed up against my clit.

My lover pulled out and thrust back in hard; this time I did arch off the bed at the feeling. He kept up the momentum and the pleasure from it filled my body. I could feel the pressure build up in my stomach so I clenched my muscles around him.

"Sweet Merlin," he moaned.

"Now. Cum now," I pleaded as I felt the beginning of my orgasm.

With a few more thrusts, his body tensed and I could feel the new warmth inside me. His arms gave out and his body collapsed onto mine. I slid my legs down from around his hips to his thighs to keep him close, inside of me.

"That was brilliant."

"Yes it was."

We stayed wrapped around each other for another minute or two before we untangled ourselves. The air was cooling the sweat on our skin and it was getting chilly.

"Will you promise me that you will come to me first before you give in to the need again?"

"I never give a promise if I know I might not keep it. I will definitely try though until I can see you."

"I guess that it's better than nothing," he replied as he bent down to give me one last kiss.

I watched as he slid from the room. Taking up my wand, I summoned the razor blade back from where he threw it and cleaned it before slipping it back into the drawer.

Considering there were only days left of my freedom, I hadn't resorted to picking up the razor again for nearly 48hours. I had come back from taking a walk outside and saw my sister lying on my bed. While I had already written my NEWTS and had this last week before graduation off, Shay still had classes and should have been in Herbology.

"Shay, what's wrong?" I asked as I sat beside her, brushing her light brown hair back from her face.

"He cornered me in the hallway. No one was around to help me," she sobbed, curling herself into my lap with her head pressed into my stomach.

"What did he do?"

"He…he…made me touch him while he promised that you wouldn't be the only Peters he would be taking to bed."

"It's going to be alright, Shay. I won't let him get near you again."

I stayed with my sister until she fell asleep and then closed the bed curtains. I warded them shut so no one would be able to bother her. I knew there was one definite way of keeping him away from her but I didn't want to be sent to Azkaban either. I ran up to the library and grabbed a certain book from the shelves before heading to my classroom.

Skipping dinner, I read the book and made sure that it was possible. Blood magic was not used often since most wizards and witches considered it Dark but it was the only way to keep Shay safe. I could have tried tricking Theo into an Unbreakable Vow but I doubt it would have worked.

Since I wasn't there for the meal, I knew he would check this classroom for me. When he entered, I was sitting with my legs tucked under me on the couch.

"Willa, is everything alright?" he asked, sitting beside me to take my hand in his.

"I need a giant favour from you. He attacked Shay today and promised that it wouldn't be the last time he did. I'm of age so I can do the ritual on my family's behalf."

"What are you asking me to do?"

"I want you to blood adopt Shay into your family."

He seemed surprised by my request.

"I know it's a lot to ask but if she was under the protection of an older pureblood family than the Peters, he won't be able to get at her. You could send her to Beauxbatons where she would be safe. There isn't much in her vault but I received my inheritance from my mother on my birthday and she can have it. I'd rather it go to her than to him."

"Willa, do you really understand what you're asking me? She would no longer be your sister but mine and her appearance will change. Have you asked Shay if she would want this?"

"She's only 13 and since our mother died when Shay was a baby, I'm all that she really has. It's not like our father really cares about us. Since neither of us are proper heirs, he left us to be raised by house elves. I want her safe at all costs even if it means this."

He took a minute to think about it and nodded his head. I extracted the razor from the drawer and cut into my right palm. Keeping my hand turned up in a cup so the blood wouldn't drip, I handed over the razor to him. He cut his right palm as well and I started on the ritual.

"I, Lady Willa Eloise Peters, ask you to take Shay Cathleen Peters, into your family. May you give her all the happiness, love, and protection that she deserves. As her sister, I mote it be."

As Lord of his family, he accepted Shay into the family and promised to do what I asked. We clasped hands and chanted 'We mote it be' thrice while the magic built up inside of us. Our hands begun to glow white and if we were able to see Shay, she would be glowing as well. Once the chant was finished, the glow disappeared and Shay was now part of his family. Using our joined hands, he pulled me into his arms and held me. He expected me to cry and while I was breaking inside, I knew what the ritual would entail and that's why I asked him to do it.

"I'll go inform Shay and have her meet you in the library. Everything under Shay Peters would have changed over into her new name so I'm sure the professors will know in the morning. Thank you for doing this."

"Are you going to be alright? I can meet with Shay later if you need me to stay with you," he offered.

"I'll be fine. Go on up and I'll send her right there."

I leaned over and kissed him. I gazed into the eyes of a wonderful man, someone who would do anything to protect someone in trouble. I pulled my hand away from his, the cuts having healed once the ritual was finished.

"Thank you. I wish so many things were different."

"Me too."

I left our classroom and headed down to the dungeons. Saying the password (_Blood is Pure_) to the empty space of wall, I headed into the common room. Many students were milling about, more of the younger years doing their homework than older students. Heading to the staircase, I could hear music coming from the boys' dormitory. Draco Malfoy must have been throwing a party again. I shook my head and walked up to my room.

"Your curtains are warded, Peters."

"And you would know that how? Throwing hexes at my bed again, Parkinson?" I sighed, not wanting to get into this with her.

Pansy Parkinson and I never got along throughout our years here at Hogwarts or at the few parties we both attended. She looked down her stubby, tip in the air nose at me since my family wasn't as old as hers. It didn't matter that I was a pureblood; I just couldn't trace my family as far back as she could.

"Surprised you're not at Draco's party, trying to shove your tongue down his throat."

"I've got to look my best for Draco."

"Then I'd suggest Muggle plastic surgery. They can do wonders turning a bitch like you into a human being," I retorted, throwing up a shield at the hex she was bound to cast at me.

"Watch your back, Peters. I'm going to be right at Theo's side as he teaches you what it means to be his wife. I'm going to enjoy watching you in all that pain and if he lets me, I'm going to show you a few spells that Daddy has taught me."

"Can a Squib teach spells?" I asked as I slipped past my wards and into my bed.

I could hear her scream before storming out of the room. I looked down at Shay and took in the differences. Part of her still resembled her old self but there was something more to the new her. She had always been a cute kid who was growing into a beautiful young woman but now, I could see that she would be stunning. I lengthened her robes to accommodate her new height and shook her awake.

"Willa, what time is it?"

"You slept through dinner. I need to tell you something."

"What is it?"

"I made it so that he can't come after you anymore. You don't have to worry about him attacking you again."

"You're scaring me. What did you do?"

"You are now under the protection of an older pureblood family."

"But, only family members…no, no."

"It was the only way, Shay. Your brother will stand up for you, protect you the way I can't or the way Father won't. He's waiting for you in the library."

"But I don't want to be someone else's sister. I want to be your sister," she cried.

"You'll always be my sister, Shay, but now as his, you can do so much more. You won't be sold off like Father has done to me. He'll make sure you live the life you should have had. I tried to do right by you and by asking for the blood adoption, it's the best way I know how."

"I'll still be able to see you, right?"

"Of course. We'll just have to do it carefully so that he doesn't know. Now hurry up to the library."

"Who should I be looking for?"

"You'll know when you see him but he usually sits at the desks 7 rows in on the left."

I kissed Shay on the cheek and gave her one last hug. She slid out between the curtains once I lowered the wards and I listened to the clatter of her shoes on the stairs. I willed myself not to cry and grabbed a book to read. I knew that if I stayed on my bed, I would be reaching for the razor. Sighing, I got up and headed towards the common room.

"Peters."

Standing on the stairs to the boys' dormitory was Draco. His white button up shirt was half unbuttoned but still tucked into his pants. The Slytherin tie had been discarded some time ago and his hair was dishevelled. You'd think he just finished a serious snogging session or something.

"I take it Parkinson made it to the party."

"Why don't you join us?"

"Since when have I ever joined one of your parties? I know better than to drink whatever is being served."

"What does Theo see in you? All I can see is that giant stick up your arse."

"Rather a stick up my arse than passed out on your floor unprotected."

I continued down the stairs but stopped when I heard him mutter.

"Care to repeat that?"

"You don't need to be passed out to be unprotected," Draco smirked, dangling his wand from his fingers.

I barely had a chance to reach for mine before he cast a spell at me. My body went completely rigid and nearly fell down the stairs if he hadn't levitated me. I watched as he took me up to the boys' dormitory, closer to the loud music and my doom.

"Look who has decided to join us."

My petrified body was lowered onto one of the beds and I looked all over the room. All of the 7th years were there and I knew not one would stand in Theo's way. My wand and book were plucked from their spots and thrown across the room. I watched as Theo moved through the crowd and stopped at the edge of the bed.

"Perfect. Consider your debt repaid, Draco. _Imperio!_ Do not move once the spell is removed."

I tried fighting the curse but since it was the first time I had been held under it, I didn't know if I could. I remembered back to the essay I had to write on the Unforgivables and what I had learned about the Imperius. Only those of a strong will and mind could fight it and while every fibre of my being didn't want to be there, I couldn't overcome it.

"Stretch your arms above your head. Good. Now spread your legs towards the bedposts."

My body complied with the orders and other than an internal shudder, I didn't react to the ropes that were tying my limbs to the bedposts. Theo smiled as he banished my clothes and allowed everyone to see me naked.

_No. No. Don't do this. Someone please help me!_ I silently screamed.

He leered at my body while he climbed onto the bed. His hand snaked up my leg, over my stomach, and grabbed onto my breast. Theo nodded to his friends and closed the curtains. He banished his uniform and leaned closer to whisper in my ear.

"You can scream all you want but no one will hear you through the music."

The Imperius curse was removed before he dropped his wand on the bed beside my hip. I closed my eyes so I wouldn't have to see what he was going to do. Feeling it would be bad enough. Theo had other thoughts and slapped me while demanding that I open them. I withstood the slaps and the punch to my jaw but when he threatened Shay, I caved. My green eyes stared into his brown ones.

"Excellent. Let's see how loud you can scream."

He did all in his power to test that. My throat was raw by the time he was finished. Even if I could speak, it would have only come out as a squeak. The sheets under me were soaked red from my blood and most likely all the way through the mattress too. After he collapsed beside me for the third or fourth time, he cast the tempus spell and chuckled.

"Eight hours. We'll try for 12 next time. You can go to get cleaned up but you will not tell anyone. It is no one's business what a husband and wife do in the bedroom."

I lightly nodded my head and he removed the ropes. Gingerly I sat up and moved to the edge of the bed. Theo's fingers ran down my bloodied back and I hissed in pain, arching away from him. He transfigured the bloody blanket into a black robe for me to wear. I gritted my teeth as I pulled it on and I opened the curtains.

The party had ended hours ago and Theo had used a silencing spell on the room so the others could still hear what he was doing but no one else. Everyone had stayed and slept where they fell or on the transfigured beds they created. I hurried from the room but not to go to my room. Ignoring the pain, I ran from the Slytherin dungeons up to my classroom.

Heading to the stack of parchment that I kept there, I wrote out a few letters. One was to Shay, another to Gringotts instructing them to transfer my vaults to her, and the last to the only person who really knew me.

_I'm sorry I couldn't keep my promise._

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was alive with the sounds of its students eating and talking at breakfast. All students from 1st year to 6th year still had classes while the graduating 7th years were free from any more educational learning. As studious as they are, the Ravenclaw students still had textbooks scattered over their table. The Hufflepuffs were relaxing and planning what they would do that day. The Gryffindors were discussing plans for the future and trying to convince the Head Girl, Hermione Granger, to put down her Ancient Runes textbook. At the last table, the Slytherins were remembering their party the previous night. One student in particular, Theodore Nott, seemed particularly happy.

The enchanted ceiling of the Great Hall normally showed the Scottish sky outside but it began turning dark, lightening flashing. Yet it was sunny and blue sky if anyone looked out the windows. Headmaster Dumbledore stood, removing his wand from his eccentric robes when the doors flung open. A tall boy, radiating magic, stood in the doorway clutching a girl in his arms. Only those closest to him saw the blood staining his clothes and dripping from her wrists. He ignored the screams and the questions as he walked towards the Slytherin table, his eyes burning with hatred.

"Why, Nott? Why is her body covered in bruises, whip lashes, and knife cuts? Why did you have to break her more than you already have?"

"Why do you care? Were you in love with her, Longbottom?"

Neville Longbottom looked down at the woman in his arms and tightened his hold on her broken, bleeding body.

"Yes but that didn't protect her from you or from herself."


End file.
